oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
