my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its about making memories worth repressing
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
