weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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