Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
