All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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