Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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