Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
