wrigley field is MILF paradise
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
third nipple confirmed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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