so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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