You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
