I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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