please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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