i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
