So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
