did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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