so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
