I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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