it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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