a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
