we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
