Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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