I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Text me some of your sweat
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
