Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
