Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
