Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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