honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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