Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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