I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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