dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
