My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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