sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
