Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
