I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
