Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?