Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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