someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
