its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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