we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
