do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
