he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
