If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
