i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
