Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
