Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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