Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
