Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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