Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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