and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
