found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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