I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
