I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
