WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
