Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The Olympian is in my bed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
