I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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