she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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