is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
