We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
