Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
