What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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