Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
