You smell like stripper and shame
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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