well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
