I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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