I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
