Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
