naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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