This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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