How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
