She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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