Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
