Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
