You can't special order awesome
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
