I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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