A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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