This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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