i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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