So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just pee around me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
