we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
