Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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