She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
