worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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