the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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