He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize