Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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