i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
