I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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