Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
