i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
that is very illegal...i love you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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