I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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